This assessment helps you evaluate how you engage (or disengage) in your role as a husband. Are you avoiding conflict to keep the peace? Silently retreating? Or showing up with compassion, vision, and strength?

1. When I sense tension in my marriage, I usually...
Lean in gently and ask honest questions. Try to smooth things over quickly. Avoid eye contact and hope it passes. Escalate or withdraw in frustration.

2. I believe a husband’s job in marriage is to...
Lead with love and serve with strength. Keep things calm and avoid rockiness. Stay out of the way and not make things worse. Maintain control and protect myself.

3. When my wife has a concern or complaint, I tend to...
Listen with patience and humility. Say what I think she wants to hear. Numb out or change the subject. Push back with criticism or sarcasm.

4. I would describe my relational presence as...
Engaged, aware, and emotionally available. Supportive but unsure how to really show up. Physically there but mentally distant. Tired of trying because nothing works.

5. My wife would most likely say I...
Show up and pursue unity in hard conversations. Try hard but avoid deep conflict. Don’t talk unless I’m forced to. Don’t really try anymore.

6. When I feel emotionally overwhelmed in marriage, I...
Talk to God and/or a trusted brother to stay rooted. Try to manage it by being extra nice. Pull back or become distracted. Explode or shut down completely.

7. In terms of decision-making, I...
Pray, listen, initiate discussion, and move forward. Wait until she decides, then agree. Avoid making decisions to avoid conflict. Insist on my way or check out if opposed.

8. I believe showing up as a husband means...
Being present, honest, and loving in every season. Not rocking the boat and trying to stay out of trouble. Not really knowing what she wants, so doing nothing. Being quiet unless it becomes unbearable.

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Assessment #2: Am I a Passive, Peacekeeping, or Present Husband?