A Praying Life Online Small Group Guide

Thanks for leading a discussion small group on Paul Miller’s “A Praying Life.” Through this small group many will be inspired to talk to God about anything that is on their hearts and they will grow in their faith that He is at work in them and through their circumstances. That is our prayer for you as well: that you are inspired to bring anything to your heavenly Father and that your faith in Him is strengthened.

Outlined below is your schedule for the 6 weeks, the reading assignments, discussion questions, questions to give your group member’s as they read, and chapter summaries. This will help you facilitate your small group and inform your members of what they need to do before each meeting.

Chapter Summaries

WEEK 1: INTRODUCTION

Reading Assignment: “A Praying Life” Chapters 1 & 2

Make sure that you e-mail your group ahead of time and let them know what the reading assignment is each week and give them the questions listed below to do while they read. Please let them know that it is okay if they haven’t read chapters 1 and 2 this week, since some members might sign up just a day or two before the first meeting (we don’t want the burden of the reading assignment to discourage them from attending). This first meeting is about getting to know each other, and, since the group is online, the first meeting is about working out the technological kinks and helping people feel comfortable for next week.

QUESTIONS TO GIVE MEMBERS AHEAD OF TIME

Before you meet, tell your members: “These questions are designed to help you glean the most out of this reading. Do as much or as little as you feel you should on these pages before our group meets for discussion.

1. The title for Chapter 1 is so appropriate for many of us who have tried to pray diligently, but have not seen our prayers answered (at least in the way we had hoped). Have you ever been frustrated with your prayer life? Have you ever felt like prayer did not make a difference?

2. Humans were built for communication with God, but sin in our lives makes praying and communicating with God difficult. Miller says, “Money can do what prayer does, and it is quicker and less time-consuming. Our trust in ourselves and in our talents makes us structurally independent of God.” Do you live a life that is dependent upon God?

DURING THE MEETING

ICE BREAKER ACTIVITY:

Here are 2 ice breaker activities for people to get to know each other and then a set of discussion questions that you can ask, even if people haven’t read the book (but skip questions #2 and #5 if they haven’t read. Then end with prayer for each other.

Have everyone share their name, where they are from, what they do, and one more thing about themselves.
Have everyone share their answer to the question: what the weirdest thing that you ever prayed about?

DISSCUSSION QUESTIONS

(Chapter 1—What Good Does It Do?) Describe the difficulties and challenges there are to have a vibrant prayer life. Share your own experience about this. Is there anything frustrating to you about prayer?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading chapter 1?
(Chapter 2—Where We Are Headed) Describe the differences between an isolated prayer life and a prayer-intertwined life. What good thing can come out of the prayer-intertwined life? (read a section of the book aloud to your group if that is helpful)
What attitude of the heart is most necessary for a praying life?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
How can we pray for each other this week?

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WEEK 2: “LEARNING TO PRAY LIKE A CHILD”

Reading Assignment: “A Praying Life” Section 1: Chapters 3-8

Make sure that you contact your group ahead of time and let them know that the reading assignments this week is Section 1 (chapters 3 - 8). Here’s questions to give your group ahead of time so they can get the most out of their reading. Be sure to graciously remind them that these questions are only to benefit them, so, if helpful to them, they can disregard them. This isn’t homework. This is a devotional tool to get the most out of this time.

QUESTIONS TO GIVE MEMBERS AHEAD OF TIME

Jesus needed to pray because His identity was solely defined by His relationship with God the Father. Unfortunately sometimes we don’t pray because our identity is found in other things or other people. Why does placing our identity in other things lead Christians away from prayer?
Paul Miller writes, “Time in prayer makes you even more dependent on God because you don’t have as much time to get things done. Every minute spent in prayer is one less minute where you can be doing something ‘productive.’ So the act of praying means that you have to rely more on God.” After reading this quote, how dependent have you been living upon God this past week? What can you do to cultivate a life dependent upon God the Father?
Re-read the section “No Substitute for Spending Time” in Chapter 5. As you reflect upon your life, how well have you done in cultivating deep and intimate friendships? What has God shown you about developing deep, meaningful relationships?
In chapter 6, “Learning to be Helpless,” Paul Miller says this, “Strong Christians do pray more, but they pray more because they realize how weak they are. They don’t try to hide it from themselves. Weakness is the channel that allows them to access grace.” Later he says, “Less mature Christians have little need to pray.”
Do you see your weaknesses as a prerequisite to being a strong Christian? How does our desire to be strong in the natural hinder our ability to be strong in the spirit?
In chapter 7 Miller talks about praying continuously. He says that such prayer is not born out of discipline, but “poverty of spirit.” Explain how that might look when one is having a rough day at work.
In chapter 8 Miller says this, “We become anxious when we take a godlike stance, occupying ourselves with things too great for us. We return to sanity by becoming like little children, resting on our mothers.” How do you normally respond to anxiety? How should anxiety be the doorway to prayer?
Miller writes, “A praying life isn’t simply a morning prayer time; it is about slipping into prayer at odd hours of the day, not because we are disciplined but because we are in touch with our own poverty of spirit, realizing that we can’t even walk through a mall or our neighborhood without the help of the Spirit of Jesus.” What area of life do you need to be more “continuously” in prayer through (e.g. work, parenting, media intake, ministry, etc.)?

DURING THE MEETING

ICE BREAKER ACTIVITY:

1. Have everyone take turns responding: What was your favorite treat/dessert as a child? What is your fondest memory as a child?

TRANSITION: “Speaking of being a child: this week we read section 1 which is titled "Learning to Pray Like a Child.” My first question come from Chapter 3 “Become Like a Little Child”…

DISSCUSSION QUESTIONS

(Chapter 3—Become Like a Little Child) In what ways does Jesus want us to become like little children?
Why is it so important and so difficult to come to God just as you are?
(Chapter 4—Learn To Talk With The Father) What were the main points of the author on learning to talk with our Heavenly Father under the headings, “Asking like a child” and “Believing like a child”?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 5—Spending Time With Your Father) Why did Jesus need to pray?
What are some ways that might help you have a more focused prayer time with the Father?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 6—Learning To Be Helpless) Why is helplessness the key to a praying life?
What is the difference between immature Christians and mature Christians on (1) Their view of self, (2) their view of sin and (3) how they relate to God?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 7—Crying “Abba” Continuously) The author writes, “We don’t need self-discipline to pray continuously; we just need to be poor in spirit.” What does it mean to be poor in Spirit? Why does the kingdom of heaven belong to people who are poor in spirit?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 8—Bending Your Heart To The Father) The author writes, “Anxiety is unable to relax in the face of chaos; continuous prayer clings to the Father in the face of chaos.” Why can’t anxiety relax? Why is it wrong to allow anxiety to control our lives? What make prayer a much better alternative?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
How can we pray with each other this week?

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WEEK 3: “LEARNING TO TRUST AGAIN”

Reading Assignment: “A Praying Life” Part 2 (Chapters 9-11)

Make sure that you contact your group ahead of time and let them know that the reading assignments is chapters 9-11 for this week.

QUESTIONS TO GIVE MEMBERS AHEAD OF TIME

Miller writes, “Cynicism looks in the wrong direction. It looks for cracks in Christianity instead of looking for the presence of Jesus. It is an orientation of the heart. The opposite of a childlike spirit is a cynical spirit.” Have you noticed any hints of cynicism in your life? How has cynicism kept you from having a childlike spirit in prayer?
“The sixth cure for cynicism, then, is this: develop an eye for Jesus.” Often, it seems as if our problems are too big for prayer. How can looking for Jesus help you overcome the cynicism of your heart?

ICE BREAKER ACTIVITY:

1. 2 Truths and a Lie: Instruct each member to think of three statements about themselves. Two must be true statements, and one must be false. For each person, he or she shares the three statements (in any order) to the group. The rest of the group show what option they think is the lie by using their fingers, e.g. if you think that statement 2 was a lie, then hold up 2 fingers to the camera. Once everyone has shown what statement they think is false, the person reveals which statement was the lie. The leader should go first in sharing 2 truths and a lie in order to give the rest of the group time to come up with their 3 statements.

DISSCUSSION QUESTIONS

(Chapter 9—Understanding Cynicism) Why is cynicism so dangerous? How does it subtly shape how you see God and reality? How is cynicism the opposite of a praying life?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 10—Following Jesus Out Of Cynicism) What are the five cures Jesus offers for cynicism?
Why does each cure work? Have you experienced this in your life?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 11—Developing An Eye For Jesus) Chapter 11 offers the last cure for cynicism: looking for Jesus. What does“Looking for Jesus” mean to you?
Where do you look for Jesus?
How can we pray with you this week?
1. DON’T FORGET TO READ CHAPTERS 12 - 18 FOR NEXT WEEK.

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WEEK 4: “LEARNING TO ASK YOUR FATHER”

Reading Assignment: “A Praying Life” Part 3 Chapters 12-18

Make sure that you e-mail your group ahead of time and let them know that the reading assignments is Part 3 Chapters 12-18.

QUESTIONS TO GIVE MEMBERS AHEAD OF TIME

The main question in Chapter 15 that the author is trying to answer is, “What do we do with Jesus’ extravagant promises about prayer?” To help us understand this question, our attention is turned to James 4:2-3. What should be our attitude towards God in “good asking”? How does Miller answer his question?
Miller writes, “If you slow down and reflect, you’ll begin to see whole areas of your life where you’ve been prayer-less.”Take time and make a list of two areas that are in need of prayer. Pray for one of those areas right now.

ICE BREAKER ACTIVITY:

Choose one or two of these to ask:

What's the best piece of advice you've ever been given?
When you die, what do you want to be remembered for?
What is your favorite item you've bought this year?
What is your dream vacation?
What is one of your secret talents?

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

(Chapter 12—Why Asking Is So Hard) The author speaks of secularism and how it relegates faith. Do you think that you’ve ever marginalized prayer in your life because of an underlying worldview?
Charles Malik said the secret to seeing God behind all things is to become a child again. How do we do that?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 13—Why We Can Ask) This chapter describes the Lord as an infinite-personal God. The three inverted triangles illustrate three passages of scripture where God is both infinite and personal. Why do we struggle to pray to such a God as this? Or What does it look like to pray to a God that is both infinite and personal?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 14—How Personal Is God?) The author writes, “Prayer is a moment of incarnation—God with us. God involved in the details of your own life.” When have you seen God involved in the details of your own life? What was it like?
What do I lose and what do I gain when I have a praying life?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 15—What Do We Do With Jesus’ Extravagant Promises About Prayer?) Read James 4:2-3 and look at the chart in Chapter 15.
1. a. How do we avoid the danger of not asking in our relationship with God? (Mark 14:36) Do you have this tendency in prayer?
2. b. The second danger is the cliff of “Asking Selfishly.”How do we avoid this danger of asking selfishly? (Mark 14:36) Do you have this tendency in prayer?
(Chapter 16—What We Don’t Ask For: “Our Daily Bread”) How does someone who is abiding pray differently from someone who is not abiding? How does the “asking” look different?
Think of a situation in which you need wisdom. What would it look like for you to ask God for wisdom with an abiding heart and surrendered will?
(Chapter 17—What We Don’t Ask For: “Your Kingdom Come”) What stages does God take the husband through as he begins to pray for his wife? How does he become the gospel for her? What would this look like in your life?
What makes it hard to pray for change in ourselves?
What is one thing in our culture that disturbs you? Have you asked God to change it? Why or why not?
(Chapter 18—Surrender Completely: “Your Will Be Done”) Paul unpacks an incident with Andrew. Can you relate to this? How might we pray, think and act differently if we we focusing on Jesus in the situation?
In Matthew 5 to 7, Jesus closes the doors on our own self-will. What are the seven doors He closes and what should be the proper response to each door in order to close it?
How can we pray with you this week?
1. DON’T FORGET TO READ CHAPTERS 19-27 FOR NEXT WEEK.

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WEEK 5: PART 4 “LIVING IN YOUR FATHER’S STORY”

Reading Assignment: “A Praying Life” Chapters 19-27

Make sure that you e-mail your group ahead of time and let them know that the reading assignments is Part 4 Chapters 19 - 27 this week.

QUESTIONS TO GIVE MEMBERS AHEAD OF TIME

NOTE: THERE IS AN UPDATED VERSION OF THE BOOK THAT MOST PEOPLE HAVE. UNFORTUNATELY, THE DISCUSSION QUESTIONS FOR WEEK 5 AND 6 USE THE CHAPTERS FROM THE OLDER VERSION. PLEASE NOTE THIS AND ADJUST ACCORDINGLY.

“The good news is that our heavenly Father trumps the failures of our earthly fathers” What is Miller trying to teach us about the Father’s love for us?
How should this change your prayers as you live out His story for you?
Selfishness, the desire to live out our own stories, often hinders our prayers. We ask for comfort rather than refining trials. We pray for peace in our relationships rather than opportunities to edify, counsel, rebuke, or evangelize. We hope our children do well in school, are well liked, and fit in rather than for the purification of their faith or for the weaning of their desires from the ways of the world. How can we reconcile/balance “thy will be done” with “ask and you shall receive?”
Should we learn to simply accept reality or can we pray for the things we hope for?
Everyone, no matter the season of life, is trying to patiently endure a trial, big or small. What is one area that you have had trouble waiting on God for and how can you apply the truths of this chapter to help you trust in Him?
Why is a deep awareness of God’s sovereignty so crucial to seeing the stories God is weaving?

ICE BREAKER ACTIVITY:

Briefly tell us about the time you were most embarrassed as a child?
What was your best memory as a child?

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

(Chapter 19—Watching A Story Unfold) Paul writes, “Until you are convinced that you can’t change your child’s (or any person’s) heart, you will not take prayer seriously.” What does prayer do that all other methods can’t do?
At some point, we give up our ability to change others. When this happens, what is the difference between giving up while on the road of “Good Asking” and giving up off the cliff of “Despair”?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 20—A Father’s Love) What does it look like to pray in faith?
How can staying on the road of “Good Asking” help us move toward the person for whom we are praying? (ex. Paul’s praying for Emily)
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 21—Unanswered Prayer: Understanding The Patterns Of Story) Paul gives three pictures of where we can go in the desert: denial, determination and despair. Do any of these three describe your life situation now or in the past?
What does God do for people in the desert? What has God done for you when you were in the desert?
(Chapter 22—Hebrew Laments: Relearning Desert Praying)—How does Miller make the distinction between raw faith and being disrespectful to God?
Why does the lack of lament lead to unbelief?
Was there any part of this chapter that was difficult for you to accept? Why?
(Chapter 23—Understanding How Laments Work)—Miller offers three suggestions for when God isn’t answering specific prayers. How can you ensure that your desire is for God’s story and not your own?
When was a time in your life, that you later saw God’s hand at work when it seemed like he wasn’t working?
(Chapter 24—How God places himself in the Story)—What is our reward when we hang in there with God during ambiguity?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 25—Praying Without a Story)--The author differentiates between “making an isolated prayer request and praying in context of the story that God is weaving.” What does that look like in your life?
What three things do we need to keep in mind as we live in our Father’s story? Of these three, which is most challenging for you?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 26—Hope: The End of the Story)--The author writes, “As we wait and pray, God weaves his story and creates a wonder....We are learning to watch for the story to unfold, to wait for the wonder”
How did Kim’s story of getting a job fill her family with wonder?
How does it affect you that God wants to bring your story together in such a way that fills you with wonder?
Dream big before God right now. Record your dreams below (and back of page if necessary).
(Chapter 27—Living in Gospel Stories)--The author writes, “The gospel, the Father’s gift of his Son to die in our place, is so breathtaking that since Jesus’ death, no one has been able to tell a better story. If you want to tell a really good story, you have to tell a gospel story.” What are the key themes in the gospel story?
How does living in a gospel story make us more authentic people? How do we become people of integrity?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?

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WEEK 6: PART 5 “PRAYING IN REAL LIFE”

Reading Assignment: “A Praying Life” Chapters 28-34

Make sure that you e-mail your group ahead of time and let them know that the reading assignment is Part 5 Chapter 28-34 this week.

QUESTIONS TO GIVE MEMBERS AHEAD OF TIME

Miller discusses the positives and negatives to having a system of prayer. How can prayer systems enhance your prayer life? What should you be careful of?
Miller says that prayer cards aren’t spontaneous, therefore, people misjudge them as being legalistic. How does Miller challenge this?
Praying takes work, which means God involves us in our own prayers. How does this idea challenge your current understanding of prayer?
Miller puts an emphasis on putting the word and spirit together when listening to God. What is the problem with relying only on the word and only on the spirit?
Miller says “As we walk with the Shepherd, we become aware of our true selves. How is keeping a journal to record our spiritual journey helpful?
What was the most helpful tip for creating prayer cards for yourself? Why is this tip helpful?

ICE BREAKER ACTIVITY:

What's the most out-of-character thing you've ever done?
You can have an unlimited supply of one thing for the rest of your life, what is it?...

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

(Chapter 28-Using Prayer Tools)--What might some of the benefits be for writing down our prayer requests?
According to our author, why do we need a prayer system?
In what ways should we be careful about systems?
(Chapter 29-Keeping Track of the story: Using Prayer Cards)--What are some overall guidelines in creating a prayer card?
Take time this week to build a small deck of prayer cards, beginning with your closest family members and friends, picking Scripture for each person you pray for and list specific needs and ways you want to see God bring change. Use the “Building a Sample Deck” for giving you ideas for writing your deck of prayer cards.
(Chapter 30-Prayer Work)--What is the three-step pattern for God answering our prayers?
Give the details of how this pattern worked in the relationship between Paul Miller and his friend Bob.
How might God be involving you in answering your prayers?
(Chapter 31-Listening to God)--What do we miss when we focus on “Word Only”? What happens when we divorce the Word of God from His Spirit?
What do we miss and confuse when we focus on “Spirit Only”? How is this dangerous?
How do you cultivate a listening heart? Why can’t you learn to listen while living a life that is not in surrender to God?
(Chapter 32-Prayer Journaling: Becoming Aware of the Interior Journey)--How does journaling help us to see the story God is writing for us?
The author writes, “Writing in a prayer journal helps us to articulate the state of our hearts.” How did journaling help the author discover the state of his heart?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 33-Real-Life Praying)--What do you appreciate about the author’s real-life praying?
What about it particularly encourages you?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this chapter?
(Chapter 34-Unfinished Stories)--In your own words, list what God did for Israel through their unfinished story, their captivity. Which of these things might God be doing for you in your “captivity”, your unfinished story?
What insight or takeaway did you receive from reading this entire book?
In what way has this book changed your thinking about your own prayer life?

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